There is a Plan....

I haven't posted since the 28th - been ups and downs.  I'll catch you up.

Sunday - December 28th

Mall Shopping just to get out - too much cause came home and was in pain.  Pain is excruciating at time because I have a hard time controlling it and working through it.  Yes I am a baby.  Problem is with the fentanyl patch and when I have to put a new one on.  I have the tendency to take off the old one and not put a new one on because I get sick.  Not the thing to do - I will never get used to it.  Sunday night - finally put on a new patch and stuck through the nausea.  Yuck - I hate it and I hate how I feel.

Monday - December 29th

Been talking about a new car - something more comfortable to drive - since this diagnoses I have a hard time in my car sitting for any period of time - car is low and I have been wanting to get a small SUV - decided on looking at a jeep but really wasn't sure - looked Sunday night on the web and found one at BCP in Smyrna.   Jeff took a drive down on Monday to see it and then we both went down - pretty much what I wanted and I feel in love with the car and the way it drove.  I decided to take the plunge and bought a new car.  What am I thinking - I'm thinking I like it and wanted to be comfortable.

Tuesday - December 30th
Emotional!! Only word I can think of.
Doctor appt today and overwhelming - THERE IS A PLAN.
Chemo will start - Dr. Slease wants it to start on Monday, January 5th; not going to happen because of holiday.  Overwhelming - thought it would be couple times with chemo and then it would be over - hahahaha - that isn't the case.
Today I was told the ins and outs of the chemo and how it is administered - there are two different trials and depending on registering for chemo - it will put me in one or the other.
Won't find out which one till later in the week.  Went through the paperwork and lots of it there was  and financial issues and all I did was break down.  Day was terrible and all I did was cry in the doctor's office, in the car, at lunch, at home - you name it I cried.
Weird - because of one of the drugs I have to take during chemo - I had to swear on the bible (not literally) that I wouldn't get pregnant - what a hoot - me get pregnant same sentence - not going to happen.  So..this is happening - need to wait to registration - will hear later in the week.
Saw mom today and wasn't thinking of her - only me - and I feel bad and guilty about it.

Wednesday - December 31st
There is a plan and today was a good day.
What a great day today was - stayed home all day but had the loveliest visits.  Erin Lovergine and the twins - Kayla and Rocco - came to visit me today and what a smile they put on my face.  It was so much fun.  Erin is a doll and made me feel so wonderful.
Laurie came to visit and we had such a nice visit.
Good news - Martha from Dr. Slease's office called today during my visits and CHEMO is starting on Wednesday, January 7th.
Chemo routine - iv infusion chemo - will take place on Wednesday and Thursday.  Take about 2 hours the first time - iv saline solution, then iv infusion and then more saline.  In addition, dexadrone and remefid (weird drug).  9-12 cycles of chemo - each cycle is 3-4 weeks - so the journey will begin and we have a plan.  Just want to get it started so I can get rid of some of the pain.  Dr. Slease, Sandy, Martha - once the chemo starts the pain should be alleviated - will take some time but it will be going away for the most part and there shouldn't be any side effects to speak of  Haha - what a joke - bet you I have some but hoping I don't.

Still having an issue eating and keeping things down.  Still have pain but haven't been stupid with pain meds.  Trying to keep up with it.

Glad I had these two weeks off to rest but not ready to go back to school.  Too much anxiety with what is going to happen with chemo - the unknown makes me scared.  There is a lot of unknown by me - Dr. Slease is very encouraging and I have tried to be positive.  Just want to keep positive and know that I will beat this - the length of time is a monkey on my back - can't believe it will take so long to get back on track.

Pictures are coming and more thoughts are coming.

Sending positive thoughts to all my friends - love to hear from everyone - Have a wonderful 2015.

The plan is in place and can't wait to get the party started.

Ruby - our new family addition

Kayley and Rocco - my smiles for the day

Some more smiles of my new friends